Criticizing vulnerability and recognizing courage

I listened to an online conversation this weekend where the interviewer went off script. Instead of going into a typical Q&A, posing questions he was receiving from the audience, he asked his guest (John Kinyon, a Nonviolent Communication trainer) for some coaching on a personal situation.

It was a gutsy thing to do, and I would like to say that I immediately saw and honored that.

The truth, though, was that it made me extremely uncomfortable, and my knee-jerk response was harsh. I judged him for doing the interview "wrong," and for wasting the group's precious time on his own issues.

Digger a little deeper, his vulnerability made me nervous. I didn't like feeling the embarrassment he risked by putting himself out there like that, in front of a live international audience.

It's not safe, is what I was thinking. You can't just be honest about who you are and what you are experiencing. People are mean and unforgiving, and the world is going to hurt you.

Given those thoughts, no wonder I was feeling nervous. (Thoughts like those make the world a scary place!) But as is often the case with thoughts, they were inaccurate. Or, more accurately, they were incomplete.

It is true that sometimes when we are open, honest and vulnerable, people don't like it. We do get judged (just as I judged this interviewer). We do create discomfort for people. We can feel small and embarrassed.

But that doesn't mean we shouldn't do it.

On the flip side of fearing hurt and rejection is courage.

And courage is powerful.

This interviewer's act of courage ended up creating an experience for me that I pondered all weekend -- leading to thoughts and insights I wouldn't have had if he'd just gone the normal Q&A route.

I also expect that it made a difference to him, leaving him feeling strengthened and grateful despite whatever self-doubt and uncertainty was also present.

In my life I am trying to practice finding courage. More leaning in and showing up. Less shutting down and running away. Getting my sense of safety not by eliminating threats, but by asking for help and being willing to receive.

It is messy and imperfect, but it is good.

I hope you can relate.

And whatever might be making you anxious these days, I hope you find your own courage, too.