If you hate someone, why do you hate them?
Is it because they are mean, or irresponsible, or self-centered, or hypocritical?
Or is it that you don't like how you feel when you're around them?
Lately I've been using this inquiry with the anger, hatred and resentment that shows up in my own life, and I think it's really powerful.
When I focus on what's wrong with other people, I suffer. Because really, I hate how lonely and disempowering it feels to hate people. I don’t even like holding grudges.
When I focus on what's going on inside of me, though, I learn something. I have a chance to extend some compassion toward my feelings of helplessness, uncertainty, despair, or whatever it happens to be.
Once I've done that, hating the other person doesn't seem necessary any more.
The anger wasn't really about them, anyway.
I haven't yet found a single situation where this shift in focus hasn't helped, if I'm willing to muster it.
Is it helpful to you? What else would you add?