Last fall, my (then) 11-year-old and I went to a great mother/daughter weekend retreat with Sil & Eliza Reynolds in which they taught us about "daughtering." This is a word they made up as a counterpart to "mothering" to describe the role that a girl plays when she actively participates in creating the kind of relationship she wants with her mom.
I think it is brilliant.
It has been helpful in my relationship with my child, who has started "daughtering" me in ways I really appreciate, like asking for help, letting me know her needs, and suggesting new ways of doing things that would work better for her. It is such a huge improvement over sarcasm, eye-rolling, and disengagement!
More broadly, the concept of daughtering is a reminder to me that I can have agency in all of my relationships, even when I don't have formal authority. If I don't like how things are working, I can do something about it! I can show up and participate. I don't have to be a victim, silently stewing while I wait for the other person to read my mind.
What about you? Have you ever tried to help someone (boss, parent, friend, spouse, doctor, etc.) support you more effectively?
If so, what was it like? What did you learn?