Simon says: Ask up front!

When I write my weekly newsletters, I usually start by sharing a story or observation about life, and a kind wish for my readers. Then I add a little p.s. at the end about an event or product I'm offering.

This week, however, Simon Sinek convinced me that I've been doing it backwards.

If you're going to ask for something, just ask for it, he says. Don't write a bunch of nice friendly words, only to bury an ask at the end.

As soon as I heard his example, I knew he was right. Burying requests like that can come across as confusing, manipulative and insincere. And yet I've frequently been guilty of it.

Why?

Is it because I feel uncomfortable asking for help? 
Because I fear that people will regret, or resent, giving to me?
Because I feel pressure to give something before I feel worthy to receive?

Yes, all of those things. And I know I'm not alone in those feelings.

A lot of us have been socialized into beliefs like this: To need things is shameful. To want things is childish. To ask for things is selfish. To give is to lose something, or be taken advantage of, unless we’re getting something back.

We internalize all these messages without even realizing it. They operate in the background, influencing nearly everything we do. And they aren't even true.

The truth, at least as I've experienced it, is that it feels wonderful to give. I love knowing when there's something I could give that would make a difference to someone. And I like remembering that I have the freedom to decide for myself whether I want to give or not.

That is the experience I want to rely on when I communicate. The gift I want to give to people who read what I write.

I won’t be perfect, but I am going to practice.

What have you noticed about your own habits around asking for support?